DamnFunny

DamnFunny

What To Do In A Public Restroom(19)

1. Stick your palm open under the stall wall and ask your neighbor, "May I borrow a highlighter?"

2. Say "Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't put my lips on that."

3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise

4. Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before."

5. Drop a marble and say, "Oh shoot! My glass eye!"

6. Say "Darn, this water is cold."

7. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantaloupe into the toilet bowl from a high place and sigh relaxingly.

8. Say, "Now how did that get there?"

9. Say, "Humus. Reminds me of humus."

10. Fill up a large flask with Mountain Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbors while yelling, "Whoa! Easy boy!!"

11. Say, "Interesting....more sinkers than floaters"

12. Using a small squeeze tube, spread peanut butter on a wad of toilet paper and drop under the stall wall of your neighbor. Then say, "Whoops, could you kick that back over here, please?

13. Say, "C'mon Mr. Happy! Don't fall asleep on me!

14. Say, "Boy, that sure looks like a maggot"

15. Say, "Darn, I knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now what am I gonna do?"

16. Play a well known drum cadence over and oven again on your butt cheeks

17. Before you unroll toilet paper, conspicuously lay down your "Cross-Dressers Anonymous" newsletter on the floor visible to the adjacent stall.

18. Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall and adjust it so you can see your neighbor and say, "Peek-a-boo!"

19. Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall wall and sing "Born Free."

Elevator Fun(70)

1. Make racecar noises when anyone gets on or off.

2. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers.

3. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!"

4. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.

5. Sell Girl Scout Cookies.

6. On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.

7. Shave.

8. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask: "Got enough air in there?"

9. Offer nametags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside down.

10. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

11.When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, >then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.

12.Lean over to another passenger and whisper: "Noogie patrol coming!"

13.Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.

14.One word: Flatulence!

15.On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.

16.Do Tai Chi exercises.

17.Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and them announce: "I've got new socks on!"

18.When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now, damn motion sickness".

19.Give religious tracts to each passenger.

20.Meow occasionally.

21.Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.

22.Frown and mutter "gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "Oops!"

23.Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.

24.Sing "Mary had a little lamb" while continually pushing buttons.

25.Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends.

26.Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.

27.Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.

28.Burp, and say "Mmm, tasty!"

29.Leave a box between the doors.

30.Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.

31.Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it.

32.Start a sing-a-long.

33.When the elevator is silent, look around and ask, "Is that your beeper?"

34.Play the harmonica.

35.Shadow box.

36.Say "Ding!" at each floor.

37.Lean against the button panel.

38.Say "I wonder what all these do!" and push the red buttons.

39.Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.

40.Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the audience that this is your "personal space."

51.Bring a chair along.

52.Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: "Wanna see wha in muh mouf?"

53.Blow spit bubbles.

54.Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.

55.Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."

56.Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.

57.Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

58.Wear "X-ray Specs" and leer suggestively at the passengers.

59.Stare at your thumb and say, "I think it's getting larger."

60.If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler, "Bad touch!"

61.Bring a water pistol. Soak everyone's shoes.

62.Start brushing off invisible bugs from your arms, screaming "Aaughh! Get them off!"

63.Challenge your neighbor to a Tic-Tac-Toe tournament.

64.Laugh hysterically for five seconds, stop, and glare at the other passengers like they are crazy.

65.Charge into the elevator dripping wet, holding a towel and wearing only a bathrobe. Mutter something about how husbands/wives always come home early just when it's getting to the good part.

66.Make chalk drawings on the walls.

67.As the elevator is going up, jump violently up and down, shouting, "Down, I said down, dammit!"

68.Crouch in one corner and growl menacingly at everyone who gets on.

69.Try to get a game of "Twister" going.

70.Wrinkle your nose and smell the air repeatedly. Sniff at your neighbor suspiciously, give a disgusted frown, and take a step away.